Live Your True Identity


We live in a digital age that encourages us to be one type of person online, and another person in real life. Many are creating an online image that is inauthentic, and does not reflect who they really are. 

It becomes easy to edit, delete, and retouch what we say and how we look. We try to post the perfect pics, share updates about how we have the most amazing kids, spouse - you fill in the blank. At the same time, Social Media has a way of breeding fear and envy into us.

Today with all the time spent in Social Media it is easy for us to fall into the trap of comparing, contrasting, and competing.  

If we aren’t careful we can end up creating an identity, and persona that isn’t true to who we really are.  

I found it interesting that the phrase “find myself” gets over 5 million searches per month in Google. That shows how common it is for people to feel disconnected from their true self and how interested they are in establishing that connection.  


“There is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace, and my happiness depend:

to discover myself in discovering God. 

If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him.”

Thomas Merton


These words by Thomas Merton have been very eye opening to me. I have read a lot of books about finding yourself, but had not put it together that in finding myself I will also find God. Being your true self is who, in reality you are, and who you are becoming. We do not find our true self by creating it, it is found by seeking God. The irony is that by losing our self in God we discover our true identity. 


“Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life 

for my sake will find it.”

Matthew 10:39


One of the main things I do, as a Relationship Coach is to help people discover who they are, and what God has called them to do. These are some of the following coaching identity questions I ask my clients.  

Take a few minutes and answer the following identity questions for yourself.  


Identity Questions


1.  What gives you energy?

2.  What drains your energy?

3.  What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

4.  What did I learn about God today?

5.  What did I learn about myself today?


These last two questions, what did I learn about God today and what did I learn about myself have been very impactful. I have also discovered that one of the most helpful ways to discover who you really are is to take time each day to journal your thoughts and feelings.  

I have been journaling since I was a teenager and it has been one of the most meaningful experiences in my life. Another way is to find Scriptures that talk about our identity in Christ.  

I did a search and found 160 identity in Christ verses in the Bible.  


Here is just a sample of some of those verses:


·     We are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17)

·     We have every spiritual blessing (Ephesians 1:3)

·     We are for the praise of His glory (Ephesians 1:12

·     All our needs are met according to His glorious riches (Philippians 4:19)

·     We are rooted and built up (Colossians 2:7)

·     We have faith, hope, and love (1 Timothy 3:13)

·     We can give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18)


It is in Christ alone that we find our true identity, and our complete freedom to be who God has made and redeemed us to be. The question we all have to ask is how am I allowing Social Media to define who I am?  

I believe this is why it is so important to have healthy boundaries on the time we spend in Social Media. Social Media is a tool that can connect us with those we don’t get to see all the time, and to enhance our real life relationships. If you find it is pulling you down, or making you feel bad about yourself, or your life – log off.


Growing Together,




Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd

Director and Relationship Coach

Safe Haven Relationship Center


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